


Dear Alfred...

by Kage_Nightray



Series: RIP Alfred F. Jones [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3411719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_Nightray/pseuds/Kage_Nightray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter from Madeline to Alfred F. Jones, four years after his death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Alfred...

**Author's Note:**

> Written in honor of my friend's memory, shortly after the fourth anniversary of his death. Please read February 18, 2011 first for context.

Dear Alfred,

This week marked the fourth year since you died. It is still painful to think about, even after all this time.

Did you know that the day of your candlelight vigil, I went to youth group first? I knew that those who knew you wouldn’t be showing up that night, and I thought that someone had to tell the group where we were. I wrote my last letter to you there; it’s still in my room, in the boxes with the paper cranes I made you. That night was the first time I ever saw my best friend of the time cry. Neither of us knew you very well, but your death still destroyed us just the same. Her reaction was what kept me going the next few months; I was scared of how it might hurt her if I did the same, if she was so hurt by someone she barely knew.

Did you know that it was sunny the next few days after you died? The nice weather made me angry, because I did not understand how life could continue so peacefully with you gone. I hated the half of the school that was able to continue working like nothing was wrong. I thought that the world should have ended with your death. You were the bright spot in so many lives, someone whose jokes and smiles could keep us going on bad days. I didn’t know how I was supposed to keep going.

I still think about where you might be now if you were still alive. Would you be at college? What would you be studying? I’m sure that you would be the life of all the parties, wherever you went. It’s not fair that you don’t get to experience these things. You won’t ever get your driver’s licence or go out drinking with friends. You didn’t graduate with us, leave finishing your graduation requirements to the last minute, go to the graduation party.

I have a friend now who has the same nickname as you. He doesn’t use only it like you did, so I don’t have to call him that, but it still hurts to hear that name being used for someone other than you. He reminds me a lot of you sometimes, which just makes it worse. I’ve been working hard to hide how much it bothers me, so I don’t think he’s noticed.  
I haven’t told anyone here about you yet. It’s hard to talk about sometimes. A couple of my friends know that I am bothered by the idea of one of them dying; I don’t remember if they figured out that suicide in particular was what bothered me. I told them that I knew from experience that I wouldn’t be able to get over one of them dying. I told the others that they aren’t allowed to die because I’ve gotten too attached to them. One said that that ruined his plans for the weekend. I know he was just joking, but it still hurt to hear. They don’t understand how it feels, and I hope they never have to. No one should have to feel this pain.

I miss you so much, and the worst part is I don’t think that I would have known how much I’d miss you if you were still alive. We never truly appreciate the people we have until they’re gone, I suppose. I wish you were still here; on my worst days, I wish that I hadn’t waited so long to kill myself because then maybe my death would have stopped you from killing yourself. I don’t know if that is true, and I never will.

I hope that you are watching over all your old friends from heaven, and that you will help us find the strength to keep going. I hope that you have found peace in your death, and that you will not have to feel any more pain. I hope that you will stand there waiting for us when our time comes so that we do not have to make the journey to heaven alone.

Madeline


End file.
